Loneliness

Author's Note: This poem was written at a time when I was in the depths of despair, contemplating ending it all, wishing that I had never been born. My relationship with a long-time boyfriend had ended not long before and I was sad. This poem is dedicated to him. My love still keeps me going.

somethings cannot play a tune of happiness.
others have no choice as to the play they sound.

with the jerking of sadness,
of failing control, falling courage
a knot explodes in my heart sending debris crashing out beyond.

strings snapped as the pretense of gaiety diminished,
a tune is pointless whence one is without point.

of stilletto clouds rushed in the welt of heat,
fear stopped no one, no body, never.
beyond the control of face no white string does pluch the senses

pain evil hurt tears wonder hope strength grow with the tunes of
life wondering as a beggar for life's meager joy to go

nothing can ever always play that happy melody.
some get off without ever knowing the real sound of joy,
through crude destiny forever impaled by One upon a bed of reptiles.

symptoms of an evil knowledge, balanced against bad is always good so
the sounds of happiness pluck with the painful beat of hurt, beyond my
will my hope my senses - beyond the frontier of joy.

so much to cry over, never a happy time to share
wishes that conscience never met good. Pain perhaps is my wife.

Copyright © David R. Brown.